Good openers for online dating

It’s the formula to taking your online dating message game to a previously unimagined level. Or the conversation peters out after a few exchanges. And unless you’re an Adonis who runs a puppy rescue shelter, we’re all frustrated. It’s shallow, an incredible time suck, and it’s not delivering on its promise: algorithm-assisted matches that make dating efficient. I want to be up front: this isn’t about crafting the perfect profile.Want to learn it, and how to have better messaging all around? You’re on the apps, you’re grinding, and every so often you get a match. This is especially true for guys who have moved beyond hookup culture and are looking for dating with some substance. This is about what happens you match, when a tiny window of possibility opens that you can either enlarge or allow to close forever.If you’re the kind of guy who does this, stop reading this article, get off the apps, and seek help.For most guys, however, it means just a few commonsense best practices. Flirt, but keep it G or PG until you’re face to face.Step into her shoes for a moment: at some point you want her to meet up with you, an unknown male, in a dark bar or coffee shop she’s never been before, probably at night.In just about any other kind of social transaction, that would be insane.

Notice we didn’t say, “a connection,” because these things can’t be engineered (despite the advice of an industry of dating advice and pickup artists). You can, however, give yourself the best possible chance of a genuine connection by being generous with your personality and interests (more on that below), being playful right out of the gate, and being vulnerable when it’s appropriate.

Examine their bio and images for something specific that you have in common. Second, it invites your match to share something about themselves.

It can be anything, but it needs to be something you share – even just an interest in travel. Third, it gives you a topic to begin and expand into a real conversation. If their pictures or bio don’t give you anything to work with, move on. After you’ve suggested a shared interest, be generous with your personality, opinions, and passions. Psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman has written about this in his excellent book Humor signals both intelligence and the ability to win others over, both traits highly desirable in a potential heavy petting partner.

Dig in to your experience, what you’re interested in and passionate about, and be generous with that. Your job is to establish rapport and common ground, not swing your big …brain.

The guys here at Primer have, at different times, been in the New York, Los Angeles, and Denver dating scenes off and on for years. I’ll risk you breaking my nose trying boxing if you’re down for [your favorite local adventure/cocktail spot/etc.] If you’re thinking, “I don’t have time for that!

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